Monday, April 30, 2012

Execrable Excrescence Of Exsufflicate Exenterating Exertion

 For once I'm posting something that does not look like it sounds- (bad band name alert) Bodies Lay Broken's Execrable Excrescence Of Exsufflicate Exenterating Exertion. Apparently one member of this goregrind trio is tremelo-plunking a huge, amplified rubber band, which frankly sounds awesome. The entire cassette album is 9 mins., 8 secs. long.

Friday, April 27, 2012

Portal Is There For You

You can tell I'm depressed if I post Portal videos because that's usually when I post them- when I'm depressed. Actually don't get depressed anymore hardly but when I do, Pormusital (use as directed) is always there for me. Then I am happy again in the way that being horrified can put aircraft-grade aluminum in your spine. Listen to Portal while you wash dishes! Works for me. The drain will expand and beckon...

Dear Membranebers of Portal- Please hurry the fuck up and release the new record and tour the U.S., specifically Houston (but much more likely Austin), Tx., so I can cheer up FOR GOOD. Thanx, P.G.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Devil - Magister Mundi Xum

 I like Norway's Devil because to me they sound like a garage band circa 19666 who, after seeing a few Vincent Price films and Disney's Scarecrow of Romney Marsh, decided to get into Satan 'n' stuff well before it became fashionable for Coven or Black Sabbath to do so. Just straightfoward pre-post-psychedelic doom. Satan makes your hair grow faster...

Maybe it's just me...

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Sunday Mornings With...Encoffination

I've said it before and I say it again- this sounds exactly like it looks.

I'm terribly sorry, but there's really no point trying to repent while wearing
a Sisters Of Mercy t-shirt...

Saturday, April 21, 2012

To Hell With It

It's such a nice day. Let's go to Amsterdam, get more stoned than we've ever been in our lives and ride this damn thing. What else is there to do in Amsterdam?

Better skip this one, looks INCREDIBLY LAME.

Later tonight, we'll just hang out in front of it and stare at it...

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Vengeful - The Omnipresent Curse I CURSE YOU WITH

Today I pulled three drowning kittens out of an abandoned couch that had been dumped in the ditch across from my house sometime this morning and since I am also OFF MY FUCKING MEDS THANX TO YET ANOTHER IRRESPONSIBLE DOCTOR I find myself filled with much more rage than usual at the pathethic way so many human beings conduct their affairs. In other words, this record REALLY SOUNDS LIKE AN APPROPRIATE SNDTRK FOR WHAT I'M GONNA DO TO THE NEXT SORRY SONOFABITCH I CATCH FUCKING AROUND IN THAT DITCH.


If it weren't for Brutal Death Metal I'd be "dead or in jail" like that ALL-TIME JACKASS OF A DRAFT-DODGIN', PEDOPHILIAC ASSHOLE Ted "I'M RIDING MY EXPLOITATION OF THE WILLFULLY IGNORANT INTO THE SPOTLIGHT AGAIN, PUSSIES!" Nugent.  I do hope Theodore enjoys having the Secret Service waaay up his ass for the rest of his natural life.

Do I exaggerate?

In the interest of full disclosure I have to admit I actually gave Free-for-All a favorable review in my high school newspaper. The bloody stain will never wear off.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Deadly Monster Surfing Creature Time MTHRFCKR

 I'd like to discuss the importance of Instrumental Surf badassery in the overall musical scheme of things but I'm just too fucking surly today. Don't worry, I'll be posting more in the future. Today I'd just like to say that though both of these records look cool, be advised that the artwork for both reflects their individual moods- above, laid back studio pros, below, action-packed real bands.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Iron Butterfly - Are You Happy?

 It's such a nice day here in Houston that all I feel like posting is a bunch of old Iron Butterfly records...

Yeah, whatever...

Thursday, April 5, 2012


 Suffocation represent brutal death metal perfected to a point where it has become truly graceful, even balletic. Weapons dance on their fingertips, black holes are juggled with ease. Plus, they've been around forever. Occasionally the lyrics tip into Suicidal Tendencies territory, though nothing there quite collides with "Mom, I just want a Pepsi!" but "My mother once told me, 'Shut Up!'" comes close. Look, this is the shit, just take my word for it...